MEDIATION CLASS
Mediation - is an alternative dispute resolution process; it is essentially a negotiation facilitated by a neutral third party. Mediation doesn't involve decision making by the neutral third party - the mediator only acts as a guide, a facilitator, who helps the two parties in conflict determine their own solutions.
MEDIATION must have a Neutral Facilitator, participation is Voluntary, Confidential, Collaborative, with Informed Decision-Making and Self-Determination
PEOPLE are happy with Mediation if it
Allows time for their views to be heard
Helps parties understand each other better
Addresses what is important to the parties
Gives them greater control in Decision-Making
MEDIATORS NEED TO BE GOOD AT REFLECTIVE LISTENING
“Most people do not listen with intend to understand; they listen with intent to reply.”
Why do we have trouble listening? 1) Ignorance (we would listen if we knew how) 2) Time (we are impatient, we want talker to hurry up), 3) Energy (we don’t have the energy to listen), 4) Distractions (there’s so much else going on), 5) I don’t want to pay attention. 6) Discipline (It takes focus)
Indicate that you want to understand their point of view. Do not be judgmental, do not comment on the rightness or wrongness of their actions.
What Mediators Need to do: ASK - REFLECT - CONFIRM
Restate / Summarize
Minimal Encouragers
Reflect the Speaker’s feelings “This seems really important to you”
Emotional labeling - put feelings into words
Pauses and Silences - allow person time to think and speak
Suspend judgement
Focus on understanding / Tell parties “Seek first to understand, then to be understood”
Use neutral phrases
Mirror what they say in four areas: the facts, what they think, feel, and want
Keep reflecting back until they agree that you hear them correctly
Clarify what you hear them saying
Tell parties to use “I” statements
What Mediators Should Not to Do:
Avoid temptation to switch the focus to you
Avoid any need to be right
Do not promote your own perspective
Do not evaluate
What Mediators Should Say:
“I want to hear what you have to say”
“I didn’t know you felt that way”
“I can see how they would be an issue for you”
“Tell me more…”
Open-ended questions - who, what, when, where, how
“What I’m hearing is…”
“Did you say…”
“So, you feel that…”
“I can imagine how that might feel”
“I can see how you might feel that way”
“I want to focus on what you’re saying until I am sure I understand”
“So, you feel that…?”
“It sounds like you want...?”
“Let me see if I understand what you’re saying…”
“Please continue…”
What Mediators Should Not Say:
“I can’t believe you did that…”
“I can’t believe you even think that”
“Why did you do that?”
“I know how you feel.”
“The same thing happened to me”
“You are over-reacting”
Participants in Mediation Need to
FEEL HEARD / FEEL IN CONTROL / FEEL PROGRESS
Mediators should not pressure the parties, make suggestions or give advice -
Make them do the work! Listen, Talk less, Ask questions
MEDIATORS
Do not become a “third party” - do not get emotionally involved, remain impartial.
Do Not take on the cause of the ‘weaker party’
Just help them with self-determination
Common Mediator Mistakes: Giving Advice, Advocating or Favoring One side, Suggesting Solutions, Pressures Parties to reach an agreement
Six Stages of a Mediation Session are:
1. Opening Statement
2. Listening to each Person one at a Time Explain (uninterrupted) their Issues
3. Writing Down what the Issues are - Letting them Both Talk
4. Let them brainstorm possible solutions together
5. Write down what their Agreements on solutions are
6. Summarizing and closing the mediation session, discussing follow-up
SAMPLE OPENING STATEMENT
As your mediator, I am a neutral, unbiased guide, I am here to help facilitate the mediation process, and to help you determine the problems and solutions. I will not offer my opinions or advice or suggestions - nor will I pressure you to make a decision.
My job is just to make sure this process if fair and balanced.
There are a few rules.
First - we must talk to each other with respect. This is not a time for accusations or name-calling. It is a time to think about moving forward and achieving mutual satisfaction with the solutions.
Second - this process is confidential and cannot be used in court.
Nothing said here can be spoken of outside of this room.
Third - no interruptions while one party is speaking.
You can take notes if you feel tempted to interrupt.
Let me explain the schedule now - First we will spend some time learning about the issues, all of them, and writing them down. Then, in the second half of the mediation, we will talk about solutions, and see if we can reach any agreements. If we do reach agreement, we can write them down and you can sign and date them, if you wish, and they will be as enforceable as a contract.
LIVE CLASS MEDIATION SESSION -
Two Sessions - 30 minutes each
There are two people in dispute and two mediators. The two people in dispute will be given roles in advance. The mediators will guide the parties through the Mediation stages.
Mediators - Follow the stages listed - first write down what the issues are, then write down all possible solutions they suggest, then write down the solutions they agree to.
Role Players - Play your part but don’t be stubborn. Start in angry disagreement but allow the mediators to guide you through the stages towards solutions and agreement.